Infinitesimal

by Unwoman

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Infinitesimal was originally released in 1999 or 2000. It contained 16 tracks. This release also includes seven bonus tracks, and a pdf full of Unwoman's photos and lyrics-in-progress from ages 15-19, plus scans of the original printouts included when Infinitesimal was first duplicated.
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    My first official release, Knowledge Scars, came out 10 years ago (2-20-2002). In celebration, I'm releasing this early work that was never officially released.
    The CDR is sold out. Enjoy the download!
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  • USB Flash Drive + Digital Album

    Crystal USB with red LED and 8GB capacity. Shiny clear acrylic & brushed steel, laser-etched with Unwoman logos. Contains 24+ hours of Unwoman's music including Just Go Away, War Stories, Uncovered thru Volumes 4-5, Selected Songpoems, both regular & instrumental versions of the last four original albums, several other original and covers albums & EPs, the dark-ambient EP IDTWS, and bonus tracks not available anywhere else. Does not contain the newest subscription-only songs.

    Files are very high quality 320 kbps mp3s. If you would prefer FLAC files, please purchase my complete discography on here and arrange to pay $12 + shipping for the USB -- write orders@unmediated.net

    Includes unlimited streaming of War Stories via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days

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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 25 Unwoman releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Loss & Comfort, The Love Apocalypse; or, Uncovered Volume 6, Just Go Away, Uncovered Volumes 4 & 5, War Stories Instrumentals, War Stories, Uncovered Volume 3, Circling Instrumentals, and 17 more. , and , .

    Excludes subscriber-only releases.

    Purchasable with gift card

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1.
Within, without and over, you are to me Under the sky, under the sand buried your face beneath Only for our comet somewhere far away Denying the pain we cause ourselves you should stay The truth will come; I can't go on Let it wash into the sea Why don't you stay if it feels so good inside me? Condemn my words Within, without. Now is the time when silver ties have come undone Broken promises, mistrust, never the only one I could wish all I can on the heavens above But never restore the faith we had, in what you called Love
2.
3.
Mediocrity 03:18
You sleaze in everything you do. Once you sodomized a child, and never even knew her name. That night I lay and wished for none of what you tried to give me. "You're like two sirens" you said. But I never called you. Still I always wanted my name in lights What I thought I could do for fame, back in those nights But now I will not submit to mediocrity "Angel named Mercy," who could that be? Any fool could see through you Ephemeral bullshit is not for me I was a 25 dollar whore for you I wasted my talent on your worthless crap I was no one, trying to make you look good The worst job I've ever had to give (I'll never submit again) Nevermore will I submit to mediocrity Your self-serving ignorance, hypocrisy I was ashamed by our name and your pretension I know this life of whoredom is not for me In all your decadence I will not lie (an inside joke, July 1999)
4.
5.
Sweet unrest grows sour -- striving, excruciating yet wanting so badly to atone... "Go, then and scorn fidelity. Guilt will follow." This tightrope I walk slices through my feet as the are clay As if I were meant to fall into both sides of sorrows (so grave, so deep) To be forced by guile and guilt which so manipulate For I have paid in insincerity for my small mistakes I fear the imminent gravity of aborted wishes I have seen before through eyes like his I know the pain separation gives And he hasn't yet learned Forever never means forever....anymore, anymore, anymore...did it ever? This is for washing the sorrows away From these feet like clay... The rope now gives way, and I know where I stand He's within, without, and so very over Like a sweet, sweet dream into which I'll never step again, anymore... (But there are other dreams, oh yes) * Well in the night I dream about you In the day I find no rest Just the thought of you, my darling Sends aching pains all through my chest Days grow longer and enamored with the spring Longer now I watch your face, blue in the silent dusk But how long will hopes remain inside, entombed, beseeching us And how long till your faraway eyes will reach for me Will they ever reach again? Do I hold no mystery? (anymore...) And how can we romanticize Once those burning eyes Have wrapped around my flesh, so consuming my enigma Is there nothing left? anymore, anymore, anymore... This remorse will never disappear While he refuses to dry his tears Our guilty hands never rinse clear So we remain blind in fear -- and never love (Waltz:) Oh never again to be swept off my feet, nevermore nevermore nevermore And never again know the hope so sweet, nevermore... But "nevermore?" I've said it before, nevermore... And always the same find the lies, all the blame lies within, evermore, evermore But you taught me to hate this slow loss of emotion, this motion toward death, toward stillness, The oceans of blood from your lips as you let out the pain I feel mine in your words till we've both been drained Though ever I grow colder, my hope never wanes to leave me so alone Alone in my dreams forgetful of these, my first silver idols But electric as daydreams are still, I fear I'll watch you grow ever duller If you ever let me touch you, if my mind gets any fuller with time If I see through your words to a heart frail as mine, delicate as ice in April For only the truly unreachable can still hold fascination for such as we Only the truly unreachable can still fascinate me anymore, anymore, anymore, anymore.... * Well, when I'm dead and in my coffin With my feet turned toward the sun Come and sit beside me, darling, Come and think on the way you've done * from folk song, "East Virginia," not included in Knowledge Scars version
6.
"Are you not fonder of me than of all the rest?" cried her eyes "Yes, you are dearest of all to me -- you, the silent one; if not no one, then you." But then he speaks of her -- the unknown, a false angel. The mermaid chokes in fear, but still she hopes... How can you want something more than me? I give my life for yours, sacrifice my voice Only in hope, a thousand knives each step, that I may share your soul Oh, if only I could sing, or if this heart had wings, I would be your angel. Word travels fast, soon despair comes crashing, crashing down Only blood and sisters' love can save her life now. A thousand knives. She dances into death that night. The sea so cold, black, unyielding. A promise to fall. So only murder can save her now, but what's the use Her love is gone either way, so why fight? How can you want more than me? I rewrote my future in foam for you I gave my life to see this through and am betrayed. And disintegrate. Oooh... Oh -- Why must true illusion, not love, conquer all? (April 1998)
7.
The echoes fade each season and return I am haunted by "We have all the time in the world" Because you, my young older man, won't deceive me with permanence You will never lie or let me hope In these electric daydreams I search for you Here are the empty streets, the forest, the dancefloor of tacit desires, Here is the night you slept on the floor, Here is the night of rain which I will always remember But I have seen cascades of tears running away from me At the end of these years -- growing up's not all it should be You're so fixed in your ideals: you'll be victorious (Refuse to try these appeals) against your own happiness. This electricity never faded, now memory holds me secure. By morning pain will be dried, brine round our eyes. And I am always warm, always satisfied Because we are infinitesimal. We are too small, too small to wonder. Now is the trial, the test of faith. I remain faithful in my quest for understanding You, the greatest mystery of all I am only a wasp slayer; I am both hunter and prey, And I remember in devoted solitude Oh, I have seen cascades of tears.... We are infinitesimal. We are too small, too small to doubt When happiness rests at our feet We are infinitesimal. We are.... (June 1998)
8.
Machine Sex 02:30
9.
Resolution 07:56
The guilt anchored me But your face could launch a thousand ships And the sky on those nights would steal any heart And now the remorse is yours I hung her on your wall for a reason -- bloody hands, roses I would have done anything to be rid of her Except give up hope of touching you, so I succumbed I have always been blind I will never learn to let go (For now I purge the lies) You failed, you failed like all the rest, At least I though you'd try But my dreams of true love disappeared in half a week I touched you, I found your heart I found it frail but unkind I'll never lay a hand on your soul again. But God how I long to have those nights back The time before bitterness took hold Innocence was painted black and violet In the violence of floods, in the oceans of memories Cascading from this punctured heart That still cries for new wounds... The sorrows couldn't wash away as quickly as love did No time passed before silence and proverbial illusion conquered all And no tears fell after that night, the fall, but nostalgia burns And I am always warm This is my new tightrope I can't see beneath my feet -- I could fall into space This loss of hope is eternal You never believed we were infinitesimal; I still see it -- On nights like this when the sky falls I can still resist hoping I have no more dreams of love I only dream of telling my story (Still I wait for someone to sweep me away, to awaken me to illusory bliss) There is only this song You are absolved Will I ever be possessed by another? (Never wish for the impossible) There is only this song
10.
11.
seikS tnacaV 01:09
(Oh pretty boy, how can I feel sad for you? I don't even know your words are true And this light is a dying star) Never more will I wish for vacant skies to pull me in All my memories are nightmares I'll sleep alone all of my life For no one wants to touch me When I expected you To SAVE ME FROM MONOTONY To show me some sympathy But no one who has ever hurt can feel for me The child of a happy home and of the sea When any minute I could be destroyed (By just one word from you)
12.
13.
Paresthesia 05:45
Do you ever wonder, wonder who Silently came, quickly left, left a flower for you? He said "be wary of symbols" and I see them so clear But I have dreams -- one of them is you -- they eclipse all my fear Can you tell me why I dream of you? Hungry and male, and her, long-lashed and beautiful-sad Was the electricity only the sparks behind my eyes In the redness of parched, scorched earth Thirsty your eyes, or my blood But its your smile in those moments that lets in hope I subsist on this, I desist as you resist But how twisted my desires grow And when will I feel your eyes, your dark eyes On my flesh, on my breast Where I fear my displayed heart lies? ...and oh, the paresthesia when I pretend you want me When my subconcious taunts me with this impossible dream.... (November 1999)
14.
Vacant Skies 05:14
Never more will I wish for vacant skies to pull me in All my memories are nightmares I'll sleep alone all of my life For no one wants to touch me When I expected you To SAVE ME FROM MONOTONY To show me some sympathy But no one who has ever hurt can feel for me The child of a happy home and of the sea When any minute I could be destroyed
15.
xeS enihcaM 02:14
16.
Sorrows 01:03
This is for washing the sorrows away From these feet like clay Away, away....
17.
Half a world away I waited, silent You'd kept me hanging on while I knew I needed distance You finally threw me down, no promise anymore Our words of love, delusions fell apart, copulating on the floor And summer came and destroyed any other words Now I can never call that lust by any other name And you could tell those lies only while spring's blossoms grew So I left my door open wide for something new Now I fly through summer's air solely dispossessed I feel the wind between my legs where once your hand caressed How could I have been so blind to your fallacies? Now thanks to slowly severed bonds I've risen to my knees and summer -- Summer came, days grew long Everything you told me was wrong For you knew all along What you'd do to me And in the spring you said those words You said them, how you cried them You said those words -- FOREVER -- you said them but you lied them How can I stand at the crossroads without doubt? How can I move forward, trusting now, without desire? How will autumn fall between, inside our jaded hearts? How can I touch without igniting fatal fire? And she said "Stop looking to the heavens for omens, for love: The answer lies within and it's always 'NO' No more lies, no more hope" (Summer burnt our reason) But you were so, so full of promise Or was that just PROMISCUITY? And summer fades. (September 1997)
18.
19.
20.
Such a lovely fall from grace Such a pretty tearful face Silence rules falsely empty hearts In this fevered, cold embrace Intuition's wrong, though dreams implore so strongly Upon these wings of fire no other has desired so Could my hope be killed within another sin, oh I'd touch your soul again but pretense wears so thin, within If only I could wait; if only I could have faith In love -- in love -- like yesterday Then along you come, so cool, emotionless And I can only open my arms, close my eyes, and wait Knowledge scars with twisted limbs Always given, given in Torn by vapid lust Deny our broken trust. (July 1997, revised November 1998)
21.
22.
So now you said you found yourself And I'm sure that there is not room for me And you said that there is nothing else And you have enough to get by alone Oh now you say you found yourself That peace, happiness and love that you always wanted I know I should give up this selfish desire Always wanting something I can never have But I want what you've got Or at least I want you I could try to give all I have
23.

about

Infinitesimal was a pretty important practice album I put together in early 2000 (at age 19). I put a lot of work and care into the song order and lyric sheets. I was experimenting with form, sonic textures and songwriting techniques. I made this while I was studying at UCSC (where I majored in music and minored in electronic music, because I'm so well rounded.) I probably made 20 copies, tops. I gave some away, I sold some to my 5 fans, I gave some to DJs who probably sold them to Rasputins for $0.50 and now regret it because maybe someday I'll actually be famous.

I have done a rough but helpful remastering on this 16-track album. I've written a little commentary on each track, and am also presenting seven historically significant bonus tracks -- the first song I ever wrote (age 14) which I recorded at 15; the first song I ever produced ("Dispossessed," at 17 at Diablo Valley College), plus various other tracks from around the time of Infinitesimal which didn't fit at the time.

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From 1999/2000:
Note: Some tracks have hum, noise, or other technical problems. Please ignore this for greater enjoyment of artistic expression. Also, it is probably obvious that the author of these songs took herself incredibly seriously. In order to appreciate this music, pretend that you take it seriously. The following are very brief notes; I could write forever about each of these songs, but will spare you.

[That is the original note on the sheet that's brief notes on all songs, which I originally included with the CDR. I am writing more notes about each song here bandcamp but the original scan of this notes sheet is included in the pdf that will come with the album download. Re. My artist name: if I recall correctly, I put Infinitesimal together before I chose the name Unwoman, but shortly thereafter I burned copies with the name Unwoman in the cover art (as you see in the scans & the recreated cover image.) Notes written Feb 2012 are the ones in [].]

credits

released December 20, 1999

Erica Mulkey aka Unwoman -- most songwriting and production.

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Unwoman San Francisco

Unwoman is a San Francisco-based cellist-singer-songwriter. Layered with skillful cello, rich vocals, and electronically arranged beats, her solo music is a futuristic homage to her classical training. Unwoman has been featured at steampunk, goth, and sci-fi-related events all over North America and has performed with Abney Park, Rasputina, Voltaire, Amanda Palmer, Stripmall Architecture... ... more

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