I was toying with the idea of covering The Chameleon’s club hit “Swamp Thing” (I hear it every time I go dancing in the Bay Area) but then I heard their song “Second Skin” at Cat Club last month and it smacked me upside the head. I was never a huge Chameleons fan but I’m getting there now.

It pairs well, imo, with my Midsummer Ritual song I just posted here — which was also about shedding one’s old skin. Like the Midsummer song, basically all the sounds you hear are cello, voice, and sampled percussion.

What does this mean for me? I have been struggling pretty hard with parenthood and work and feeling unworthy of rest and comfort for the last few years. I’ve been spending 60+ hours a week in charge of my son Pickles for over 5 years now, which makes it very hard to do my work — yet I feel I have no right to complain, because I’m so fortunate that my work is doable in less than 20 hours a week, pays enough to scrape by on, and, most importantly, is very fulfilling to my brain! I realized I was waiting for permission from somebody to not pay attention to Pickles all of his waking hours. I was not getting it. So I gave it to myself! (this is the biggest power I’m gaining through this current transformation! To accept myself and even be generous and kind to myself). Now I am working actively on getting him OK doing activities by himself, without feeling neglected. It is getting slightly better but still challenging.

The house we moved into 2.5 years ago has a broken hot tub, and I want a functioning hot tub, but it would be totally pointless right now because I don’t have a lifestyle that allows for hot tubbing: I have to work on music almost every night when Pickles goes to bed. But I’m hoping this changes over the next few months. I am hopeful that he will tolerate kindergarten with the behavior intervention plan and special ed. Yes, I have a kid who is clinically unable to follow instructions or norms, surprise!